So, in a nod to Dr. Strangelove, the full title of this blog is "Fatigue, Fatigue, Fatigue, Or How I Learned to Stop Working and Love My Bed". You see, until my diagnosis I had become somewhat of a workaholic. I didn't intend to, it just eventually turned out that way. Throughout my chemo education classes and doctor consultations I was always told of the impending fatigue that was headed my way. When I didn't feel much of it after my first few chemotherapy sessions I figured it wasn't really going to hit me. Wrong. Finally, around session number five, I got hit hard. It wasn't like I just wanted to sleep all the time (which is what I had assumed I would feel like if it ever did hit me) but rather it was a feeling of a heavy weighing down of my body physically and of my respiratory system.
As I mentioned earlier due to my workaholic behavior I was used to pretty much ALWAYS being on the go. In addition, I was in really good shape physically as I was a professional dog-walker and had been playing in an ice hockey league for many years. Suddenly not only was I not able to play hockey (obviously) but it was difficult to even perform half the work I had done prior. While this was tough to mentally come to grips with eventually I realized that in order to heal my body needed to be given this down time. With the mindset that I needed to do "whatever it takes" to fight my cancer I was able to permit myself to take breaks and nap during the day (something I had not done for many years). Instead of seeing this as a defeating moment where the cancer had gotten the better of me, forcing me into a weakened state where I HAD to rest, I saw it more as a purposeful move on my part letting my body refocus the energy it would've put towards work into actively fighting my cancer. Now, I was not only able to enjoy the time spent in bed but also to view it as something productive. This resting process was transformed from a reaction into a proactive move that I was deliberately making and that changed everything within my head.
I guess it all comes down to perspective.
